Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A Little Bit Stronger

So, maybe you've noticed that some fairly recent blogs are missing? I've thought about writing several times during my "moving on" process, but I could never think of just the right thing to say. You see, saying some things would make me sound angry and bitter, others like I haven't moved on and cry myself to sleep every night. I am not "airing my dirty laundry" so to speak. Regardless of certain feelings, that would not be a dignified manner of coping. There's no need to seek revenge, as much as Carrie Underwood's music may tempt me.

Having your heart broken makes you feel so many emotions all at once. I've had my heart broken so many times that I could consider myself an expert. It is not something I'd ever like to experience again, but every experience makes me stronger. Everything happens for a reason, right? It's so frustrating not to know the reason, not to understand why you deserve such heartache and betrayal. As dark and hopeless as it seems when everything you know falls apart, there comes a day when you remember that none of it was a surprise to God, and as alone as I feel, He never leaves me, despite the men that do.

As you know by now, my life is pretty much documented by music, at least when it comes to my blogging. There have been so many songs that have really expressed my feelings through the past four weeks. I couldn't pick just one to sum up my feelings since there are so many feelings to express. Think of this as a lyrical collage of emotions, in addition to the songs on my playlist. This by no means covers all the songs that I could quote, but I've narrowed it down...kinda. =)

"She'd trade Colorado if he'd take her with him,
Closes the door before the winter lets the cold in,
And wonders if her love is strong enough to make him stay,
She's answered by the tail lights shining through the window pane."
Colder Weather (Zac Brown Band)

"Why'd you call me today with nothing new to say?
You pretend it's just hello, but you know what it does to me to see your number on the phone.
Now tell me, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want from me?
Are you tryin' to bring back the tears or just the memories?
You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been.
When we hang up it's almost like I'm losing you again.
Can't you see? So what do you want, what do you want from me?

I get so tired of living like this.
I don't have the time, neither do my friends,
To stay up at night, to pull me through,
And to find the things to keep my mind off of you.

So, now tell me, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want from me?
Did you call to say you've found someone and I'm a used-to-be.
You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been.
If you've moved on why does it feel like I'm losing you again?
Can't you see? So what do you want? What do you want from me?

What do you want me to say?
That I'm content? That I'm on the fence? That I wish you would've stayed?
Oh baby what do you want, what do you want, what do you want from me?"
What Do You Want (Jerrod Neimann)

"Tell it like a lie, live it like a movie.
Give a heart away like it don't mean nothing to me
What's the use in making all the plans that we made if you weren't gonna go?
What's the use of slapping on a smile for a face if your eyes don't wanna show?

Well it's too damn bad you didn't have a chance to make me your best friend
You were too caught up in giving too much up and not doing what you should have been."
Desperation (Miranda Lambert)

"My life has led me down the road that’s so uncertain
And now I am left alone and I am broken,
Trying to find my way,
Trying to find the faith that’s gone
This time I know that you are holding all the answers
I’m tired of losing hope and taking chances,
On roads that never seem,
To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I’ve been trying to find my way,
I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without You

My life has led me down this path that’s ever winding
Through every twist and turn I’m always finding,
That I am lost again
Tell me when this road will ever end"
Revelation (Third Day)

"You can hold any girl that you like
Fall in love when it's easy at night,
But you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better
When you're lost and run out of road, find what I already know
In the end close is all there is, but you won't find this
No, you won't find this.

There's once in a lifetime, and there's once in a while.
And the difference between the two is about a million miles.
Oh, you might get lucky while the moon is looking up,
But in the truth of the morning, the stars will be long gone."
You Won't Find This (Carrie Underwood)

"And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger"
A Little Bit Stronger (Sara Evans)

"Little Miss down on her luck
Little Miss I give up

Little Miss I'll get tough, don't you worry about me anymore
Little Miss checkered dress
Little Miss one big mess
Little Miss I'll take less when I always give so much more

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
It'll be alright again
It'll be alright again, I'm okay
It'll be alright again, I'm okay (I'm okay)
It'll be alright again, I'm okay

Little Miss do your best
Little Miss never rest
Little Miss be my guest, I'll make more anytime that it runs out
Little Miss you'll go far
Little Miss hide your scars
Little Miss who you are is so much more than you like to talk about

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
It'll be alright again
It'll be alright again, I'm okay
It'll be alright again, I'm okay (I'm okay)
It'll be alright again, I'm okay

Little Miss brand new start
Little Miss do your part
Little Miss big 'ole heart beats wide open and she's ready now for love"
Little Miss (Sugarland)